


I can't say I love you

by CeeOtaku



Series: I can't say I love you [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Innocent Izaya, M/M, Mpreg, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-14 14:07:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9185044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeeOtaku/pseuds/CeeOtaku
Summary: Story so far: Shizuo raped Izaya and now Izaya is carrying his child, lovey dovey fluff time!





	1. I refuse to love you

Shizuo’s POV

While walking down the street after finishing work with Tom for the day, silently glaring at the ground on my way home when his stench filled my nose, “IZZZAAAAAAYYYYYYAAAAA!” Said culprit snapped his head around with his usual smirk dancing across his pale face, his red eyes had that evil glint that was ever present. 

“Well if it isn’t Shizu-chan, lovely day out.” I ripped the innocent mailbox beside me from the ground and tossed it at the annoyance, “Now, now, manners Shizu-chan!” He said grinning manically as he dodged the projectile, his signature switch blade dancing in his hand.

“Ha, like you even think of manners you stinkin’ flea!” I grabbed a street sign as he charged, “Thought I told you to stay out of ‘bukuro!” swiftly moving out of the blade’s touch and swinging the metal sign at his face, Izaya Orihara was forever a nuisance, causing chaos wherever he went. I was the only one trying to stop him, using the one thing I was giving, even if it was a curse, my abnormal strength gave me the leverage needed to at least be equal to the annoyance. Before I could rid the world of the flea he had already disappeared down an alley and out of range from my sense of smell. “Tch.” I clicked my tongue, lighting a cigarette as I continued home, I felt like a treat so I stopped and picked up some beer. After getting as many cases as I could carry to my destination just down the road. Juggling the cases to open the door to my apartment with the keys, slamming the door shut and collapsing on the couch surrounded by alcohol. I cracked open a can and chugged it, sighing at the disgusting yet nostalgic flavor. Without noticing I had already plowed through almost three cases, feeling the familiar numbing, out-of-body sensation.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ 

Izaya’s POV

If someone had told me that one day Ikebukuro’s beast Shizuo Heiwajima would end up at my door, drunk as a skunk, forcing his way into my home and pining me to the sheets I would have laughed in their face and then proceed to end their pathetic life. I open the door to a very wrecked Shizuo, I resisted the urge to erupt in laughter as he pushed his way inside, “Please come right in, make yourself at home…” I say sarcastically as I close and locked the door to the penthouse.

“You know flea, you piss me off, in more ways than ya’ think.” His words slurring slightly as he leaned against the hallway wall, I roll my eyes and return to the living room where I had been reading before Shizuo interrupted. “Oi! Flea, don’t ya’ ‘nore meh!”

I huff an annoyed sigh, “As you can see, Shizu-chan, I’m currently busy and don’t have time for your drunken antics.”

Shizuo was silent for a moment before hauling the irritated Izaya up over his shoulder and hauling me to the bedroom just up the stairs. “Then ‘ll make sum time…” tossing my smaller body onto the king sized mattress, his large body collapsing on top.

“H-hey, Shizu-chan, what’s with you today?” Now my body was shaking nervously, not having my switchblade in my hand, pockets, or anywhere near me with the beast racked my body with a fear I never thought to know. The monster slid his hands under my black shirt tracing the lines of my body sensually, shivering at the unusual sensation. “H-hey, s-s-stop!” I started kicking and pushing but his strong grip held me firmly as his hands travelled around my body, his left hand sliding under my back and tracing the indent of my spine. Now I was shaking, what was with him? Didn’t he hear me? His drunken gaze leading to my face, his eyes unseeing as he mapped my body with his warm hands against my cold skin. 

“Stinkin’ flea,” drunken Shizuo murmured, “Why ya’ gotta be so ‘ot.” I sputtered as his words were processed, was it just drunken babbling? While I was zoning out Shizuo had managed to strip me of my shirt and unbutton my pants, and was now slowly trailing kisses down my abdomen.

“H-hey! Shizu-chan, you have to buy me dinner first!” I joked nervously, fear starting to pound my heart as my pants were swiftly removed along with my boxers. “S-stop!” trying to push the monster away from my flaccid privates, he growled in annoyance and flipped me onto my stomach, shoving my face into the pillows at the head of my bed. 

My protests cut off by a silent scream as Shizuo’s hard shaft plunged into my virgin hole, the head barely making it in as I felt my insides tear and stretch, trying and failing to accommodate for the situation. “So tight, oi flea, relax.” He grumbled into my ear, I whimpered as he tried once again to embed himself into my frail body. My fear and adrenalin increasing simultaneously, a scream erupted from my throat but remained muffled by the pillows. Shizuo continued pounding into my body, eventually becoming smooth as blood became lube. I passed out as pain consumed me, the constant tear from my hole became a dull throb as I sat in the darkness of unconscious.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Shizuo’s POV

I woke up to an unfamiliar ceiling, in unfamiliar sheets, but the one thing that I recognized was the unconscious form of my nemesis. The pieces didn’t fit together, until I realized we were both naked. “Oh god…” What I had thought as a dream turned into reality, the shaky breathing startled me as I glanced at Izaya. He was far too pale compared to usual, until I noticed that the sheets were stained a darker red than usual. Taking the queue I lifted the top cover and looked over his body, dried blood was caked down the back of his thighs and his buttocks. I put my hand over my mouth refusing to gag, I was a coward and ran after put my clothes back on, retreating to my sanctuary. Locking the front door behind me and collapsing on to one of the shabby chairs in the kitchen, my hands shaking as the memories started flooding back, now Izaya’s constant banter of my being a monster was true. I had raped an innocent, well not really, man in a drunken rage. 

A week had passed since I came home from that night, during that week Ikebukuro was the quietest it had been in years. Rumors spread through the streets that Izaya Orihara had been hospitalized because he was hit by a truck, but I knew the truth, though I didn’t miss the stinking flea at all. After finishing work I headed home for another silent night, but what greeted me at home was Shinra pounding on my door. “Yo, Shinra!” I shouted with a smile, he swiftly turned and glared at me, storming up to me and punching me in the face.

“Fuck that hurt!” The doctor cradled his now possibly broken hand, but quickly forgot about that. “You bastard! I hope you’re happy!” Happy? What was he even talking about? I glanced around Shinra to find a cowering Izaya, his face tear stained and his usual red eyes were completely bloodshot. His usual attire had been swapped out for a baggy hoodie and sweat pants.

“Shinra, if this is about that night, I’m really really sorry.” I hung my head in shame, but received a slap to my right cheek that made me stumble. It was Izaya who I now faced, fresh tears dripping from his eyes. 

“Y-you have no idea what you’ve done to m-me have you?” Izaya stuttered before Shinra gripped his shoulder and pulled him into a hug as he started sobbing hysterically. I widened my eyes and blinked, what had I done to the flea besides rape him? Traumatize? Sure, I won’t argue with that. Damage his health? Absolutely, no one would disagree. But what more—“I’m *hiccup* pregnant.” 

Pregnant? Did I mishear him? “Guys can’t get pregnant!” I said in disbelief.

“Well, he can. Blame my jerk of a dad.” Shinra calmly stated, “Now I only have one question for you, are you going to take responsibility or not? If your answer is no than I will call the police. I have all the evidence and everything, Izaya said he would testify as the victim and I also have the security tape from his bedroom from that night.”

I took a deep breath as my own eyes filled with tears of guilt, “Of course I’ll take responsibility, I know what I did was one hundred percent wrong… I-“ Izaya jumped into my arms, his tears soaking my shirt.  
“I-i-it’s okay.” I broke down onto him, falling to my knees in front of my arch nemesis and crying like a child while Izaya did the same, I hugged him close to my chest as my enemy soon became my lover.


	2. I can't say I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story so far: Shizuo raped Izaya and now Izaya is carrying his child, lovey dovey fluff time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took forever to update, supreme writers block doesn't help when you already have college in the way.

               Shizuo awoke to the sound of vomiting coming from the bathroom; _Izaya must be at it again, must suck to be pregnant._ He stood and made his way to the porcelain white throne that the flea was heaving his dinner and midnight snack into. Izaya’s face hung slightly above the rim as the contents of his stomach were forced up and out, Shizuo wasn’t really sure what to do besides rub his back. The informant got a small break from his heaving, “Shizuo, *burp* can I get some tea?” He nodded before Izaya resumed the torture, making his way to Izaya’s kitchen. Opening cabinets he had no idea was inside until he found some ginger, _which was good for the stomach, right?_

 

               He proceeded to make some tea, while Izaya finally left the bathroom after flushing the toilet and spraying almost a whole can of febreeze just to get the smell to go away for a few minutes. Shizuo put the tea in a large mug and brought it to the smaller boy suffering in the bedroom, Izaya had his left hand still clutching his stomach with a grimace on his face. “I, um, made some ginger tea.” Shizuo scratched the back of his head and placed the mug on the end table next to the flea, Izaya gave a weak smile and reached for it only to hiss and pull back. “Oh, it’s still hot.”

 

              The informant glared and rolled his eyes at the brute, murmuring under his breath, “Could’ve said so when you brought it.” Shizuo hung his head and apologized, “No harm now, but I’m craving ootoro. Go get it.”

 

              He sighed, “Shinra told me you can’t have raw fish, it’s bad for the baby.”

 

              He looked at the flea that had a heartbroken look on his face before he started to tear up, “I want ootoroooooooo!!!” He started balling his eyes out like a toddler, panicking Shizuo called Shinra.

 

              Explaining the situation, “He wants ootoro.” “I told him that.” “What else am I supposed to do?” He pulled the phone away from his ear for a second, “Shinra says to stop crying and talk to him.” He handed the phone to the sniffling man, wiping away the tears still streaming his cheeks.

 

_“Izaya, Shizuo can’t get you ootoro, how about some salmon or kani?”_

 

              He sniffled again, “I guess, but I still want ootoro.”

 

_“I’ll buy you as much ootoro as you want after the baby’s born, okay?”_

              Izaya nodded and handed the phone back to Shizuo, _“I’ll come by with some sushi with salmon and kani, those are the few things he can have. I’ll make a list and mail it to you, if he asks for it again, just call me.”_

 

               “Thanks, Shinra. Tell Celty I said hi.” Shizuo closed the phone and sat on the bed next to the flea, “Shinra’s gonna bring some safe sushi, okay?” He had finally stopped crying and nodded before curling into Shizuo’s warm chest and falling asleep. Petting his sleeping head Shizuo felt a strange peace, it’s been about a month since he found out Izaya was pregnant and a week since the cravings started. They had agreed to stay at Izaya’s place because it was big enough; Namie had been given a letter from Izaya that said she got a year off, normal pay.

 

               About a half hour later Celty was at the door with a sushi container, Izaya hugged her eagerly and snatched the sushi from her hands. Shizuo couldn’t fight the smile that turned the corner of his lips up, Celty noticed and began typing furiously. _Are you smiling_? Shizuo blinked for a second before resuming his usual scowl, “Hell no I ain’t smilin’, had something on my lip…” He walked away, but not before glancing at the elated Izaya devouring the sushi. Internally chuckling before sitting on the couch to watch TV, it didn’t take the pregnant boy more than ten minutes before he was done with the sushi and curling into Shizuo’s warmth, falling asleep to the sound of the others breathing.

 

               The next morning Shizuo awoke to Izaya crying onto his shoulder, “Why are you crying?” He asked the sniffling man.

              

               He just shook his head burying it further into the taller man, Shizuo sighed half in annoyance and half in defeat. Hesitating slightly before resigning to pet his back as Izaya continued to cry, Shinra had warned him that the beginning was going to be hectic due to hormones and to bear with the mood swings. At least he hadn’t started throwing stuff yet when he’s mad, “Can you _please_ tell me what’s wrong?”

               Izaya sniffled for a second, tears still flowing but started to explain, “Y-you aren’t here because you love me… are you?”

               The question baffled the blonde, plainly shown on his face, before Izaya sighed and wiped away the few stray tears. “No one loves me…I know it, but I…” He took a deep breath before he started a small sobbing again, shoulders shaking with every intake of breathe. His voice so quiet that Shizuo almost didn’t hear it, “ _I don’t want the baby to be unloved_.” It took a second for the taller to process the words before glancing at the smaller man’s face, the love and adoration that was ever so faint as the flea placed a shaking hand on his midsection that still showed practically no signs of carrying a child.

              Shizuo fought his own tears before grabbing the flea and hugging him to his chest, “No one knows what the future holds, but I will love my own child, even if you don’t.”

              Izaya huffed quietly, “What if I loved you secretly all this time?” He risked looking up to see the pure surprise stamped on the protozoan’s face, sputtering for a second in comprehension, then taking a breath while his arms squeezed ever so slightly tighter. Softly brushing a few strands of hair from Izaya’s face before cradling his cheeks with his large hands, giving a soft kiss on the smaller man’s forehead.

              “I can’t say I love you, at least not yet.”

 

                                                                                                                                                                       


	3. I think I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wet dreams for high schoolers is normal, but Izaya gets to experience the one emotion he never thought to with the one person he least expected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me so long to update! My computer crashed and now I have to use my old one and i had to completely redo the chapter, and college bullcrap, ugh. NO MORE EXCUSES! Here's the next installment, enjoy!

Shizuo wasn’t surprised when the next week Izaya began pouting about the littlest things, “Do I look like I’m getting fat?” When the twig-of-a-flea poked at the non-existent chub on his stomach, granted the man had been eating more than Izaya normally consumed.

Shizuo was getting slightly annoyed, but he stuck to the same three lines Shinra told him worked like a charm. “You’re not fat, you’re pregnant.” “You’re still as skinny as you were in high school.” And the one Izaya always grinned and teased him about, “Just because I don’t _love_ you doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re beautiful.”

Izaya sat up in the bed after sleeping till 2:30 p.m. groaning quietly and patting the empty spot next to him. “Oh, Shizu-chan’s at work…” he sighed in defeat before standing up, his vision swam before plopping back on the bed. “Not good…Should I call-?” _No, your fine, just probably need food._ He stood again cautiously this time before shuffling to the kitchen, finding some tomato soup on the counter along with a salad and more ginger tea. A note scrawled with Shizuo’s handwriting lay on top of the covered soup, _“Sorry you missed me, made you breakfast/lunch or whenever you happen to wake up.”_ Izaya couldn’t help the smile on his lips, fetching utensils to eat with. Enjoying the light flavored tomato soup, the only thing he thought was safe to keep down. Nearing the end of his first trimester, he was happy to say he couldn’t wait for the ‘morning sickness’ to ease up.

Finishing his food taking small sips and nibbles so as to not eat too much, too fast. He glanced at the clock, only 3:15? Shizuo wouldn’t be home for another 3 hours or so, _how am I supposed to spend it?_

Izaya’s thoughts wandering to when he got home, _“I’m home!” Closing the door behind him, Izaya greeting him from the kitchen with a much larger stomach than he had now, “Welcome home, darling! I making miso soup, salmon, and a salad waiting in the fridge.” Shizuo bent down to kiss his cheek, his left hand gripping the small butt formed from the pregnancy. “I love seeing you cooking, especially naked.” Dream Izaya blinked and looked down noticing in fact, he was naked besides the apron. Gasping in confusion and pleasure as Shizuo’s other hand grasped his man-hood, “So needy aren’t you?” Licking the shell of his ear before shifting his hands to finger at Izaya’s entrance, “Nah! Sh-Shizu-chan, w-we can’t, ngh!” He hummed in his ear before sucking on the smaller man’s lobe, “why’s that? I-za-ya…” ‘So sexy!’ he thought, twitching impatiently in the other’s hand before he finally started moving. “I knew you wanted it, just as much as me…” Shizuo stuck the hand that had been teasing his entrance to his lips, coating them in saliva before resuming his menstruations. One finger pressed inside, cautiously stretching the hole, two fingers, teasing his rim making his muffled moans a little louder. Three fingers, reaching further into him, pressing on the one spot that made him see white as he cried out in ecstasy. “You want it?” Izaya nodded, “how much?” He had to bite his tongue as his fingers struck his prostate again, “Ngh, f-fuck me, please Shizuo-oh!” He was penetrated so swiftly he couldn’t think anymore; it was all carnal desire that drove both of their dream forms to completion. “Why don’t we take this to the bedroom, hmm?”_

“ _Ngh, S-Shizuo-“,_ “What the hell are you dreaming about, stupid flea?!” Izaya jerked awake, staring into the confused and angry eyes of the real Shizuo. _Oh shit_ , the uncomfortable sticky feeling in his pants was all the answer he needed to know that he had a wet dream about the guy who knocked him up in the first place. Not that he wasn’t already head over heels for Ikebukuro’s beast in the first place, but to know his mind had defiled him to such extent sent a shiver of disgust and need down his spine.

“I-it’s nothing, Shizu-chan, by the way, thanks for the soup and stuff…” Izaya tried changing the topic while shifting to hide the evidence; Shizuo caught him mid movement, his palm pressing on the quickly drying cum in the smaller man’s pants.

 _Shinra said nothing about this,_ “Um, should I..?” Shizuo started, but was cut off by Izaya screaming and smacking his hand away before high-tailing it to the bathroom. “Did I just fuck up?”

Oh my god! Izaya tore off his pants and underwear, throwing them in the sink with some soap and water. “Shit, I can’t lie to him now! Why!?!”

Knocking on the door startled the panicking man, “You all good in there, Izaya?”

He gulped before opening the door, “Fine, um, is it oka-“, Shizuo’s lips suddenly were on his, there was no rhyme or reason. Izaya melted like butter into the arms of a beast, wanting nothing more than to keep kissing, thoughts of his underwear and pants completely forgotten.

The taller man pulled away hesitantly, hugging the flea to his chest. “Thank god, I thought you were mad at me.” Izaya furrowed his brow before sighing and hugging back. “Was it at least about me?” He whispered into jet black hair, the smaller man instantly stiffened before cautiously nodding. Shizuo smiled, squeezing a little tighter before releasing the captive and sauntering to the kitchen, “I was gonna make some miso soup for dinner…” Glancing over his shoulder to see a rare sight, Izaya’s ears and neck were beet red before he nodded his agreement. “Maybe for dessert we can continue where your dream le-“

“Shut up and go make food!” He slammed the door close in the others face, his embarrassment all too obvious.

Shizuo didn’t bother hiding the smile that blossomed on his lips, “It’s when you’re that cute that I think I love you!” He shouted at the closed door, before he heard more screaming and water running. _If only_ , Izaya thought in the solitude of the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again guys, I'm realllllllllly sorry it took forever, i hate technology sometimes, I hope to have the next chapter out before the end of next week!


	4. Should I be honest?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With it being 5 months into his pregnancy Izaya is having more than a little trouble being honest with himself, but so is Shizuo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been forever I know! I've been trying to focus on college and working full-time, but I'm back and plan on continuing this story!

      At this point in Izaya's pregnancy everything was pretty much smooth sailing aside from the hormones, so Shizuo had decided to try taking him on a date of sorts. The black haired informant was currently using the ex-bartenders arm as a pillow, as said bartender was trying to read a manga he had borrowed from a certain fujoshi to try and 'romance' the dark haired flea. "How do girls think this stuff is romantic?" He muttered quietly to himself, the current one he was reading happened to be called Blood Bank. The top man had pinned the blond vampire to a wall, making out like it was the end of the world. _Maybe the park would be fine?_ Although, by Izaya's standards that may be some sort of down grade or even a disappointment, _trying to come up with a date was much harder than I thought._

      Izaya shifted next to him, snuggling closer to the tall wall of warmth, nuzzling his chest like a cat before smiling contently and resuming his nap. _What about an arcade?_ Without many friends in high school the two had never really gotten to experience the 'high school dream' kids always talked about. But didn't it seem a little too cliche for the newly loving couple? Shizuo shook his head in defeat, maybe taking advice from some mangas wasn't the best solution. "Hey, flea..." He shook the small man, who groaned lazily. "Come on, it's almost noon now, don't you think you should wake up?"

      "Mmm, don't wanna!" He pounded his head onto the brute before trying to get comfortable again, his much larger stomach being a hindrance. "Just wanna cuddle..." He drifted back into a light sleep, the taller man sighed before standing up and scooping the pregnant Izaya up and carrying him to the living room. 

      "How bout some food at least..?" He started making a peanut butter & jelly before Izaya finished rubbing the sleep from his eyes to have his input on the sandwich. Grabbing multiple things from the fridge and carrying them to the counter being used, stealing a peanut butter lathered slice of bread and smearing it with mustard, marshmallow fluff, and nutella. Putting the other slice covered in grape jelly on top, taking a large bite before humming in satisfaction. "Yuck, and I thought I'd seen the last of  _Izaya's concoctions_ after the spaghetti incident." 

      Izaya blushed before swallowing his mouthful, "Don't you tell me it was bad, all I did was add mozzarella and capers to the sauce on mine!"

      "Yeah and then put strawberry jam on top of it...because that was bad, you even made me try it." The small man pouted before resuming his _interesting_ sandwich, while Shizuo made a normal pb &j. "Oh, I was thinking that maybe, if you're up for it, we could go on a date? Something you'd like, cause I've got nothin'."

      The informant's brow furrowed for a second before apparently finding something, tapping his two fingers together shyly. "There is a movie that came out a little while ago I wanted to see, but I can't go out like this!" Gesturing to his 5-months pregnact stomach, Shizuo rolled his eyes before walking into their shared bedroom.

      Emerging a few minutes later with a wig matching Izaya's hair, "Thought it might come in handy, you don't have to be _the Izaya Orihara_ for the date. You can just be Izaya Orihara enjoying a movie out with his...erm...b-boyfriend?" The pregnant man's eyes were like saucers, before they started to tear up. "I-I wasn't wrong, or was that out of line? I'm sorry, Izaya."

      Shaking his head, "No, it's actually...sweet, you know thinking about me and that. Thanks." He took the wig and proceeded to the surprisingly clean bathroom, stepping out after a few minutes with the wig situated and wearing the disguise he had order through the mail he easily passed for a normal pregnant woman. "Not that I like crossdressing, but one does not wish to sully the Izaya Orihara reputation." 

      Shizuo chuckled deeply before hugging the smaller man, "You practically disappeared for 5 months and you still think of your reputation first? Let's just enjoy the movie okay?" Izaya grinned squeezing back before the two departed for the nearest movie theater.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I apologize about the first person POV all the other chapters will be third....


End file.
